Such is life!

Tonight O and I had an argument. It began with a small and trivial matter that eventually blew up to something that he said he has held in for too long. So he blew up and I felt like a complete failure as a mother and a stay at home mom to the boys. I know he might not mean to say the things he said but words linger and they hurt. Damn, they hurt!

Too much to hold in and yet too much needed to be released. This isolation rides on the culmination of helplessness and incompetence; kills my spirit little by little.

I know the choice I made is the right one, but that also means personal desires and selfishness are the sacrificial lambs.

So be it!

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15 thoughts on “Such is life!

  1. Hèn gì em thức khuya. Bấm nút like là thích em bày tỏ chứ không phải thích chuyện vợ chồng giận nhau. Chia sẻ chút ấm ức nhen em. Vợ chồng bao giờ cũng có những lúc như thế này. Giá mà chồng đừng để bụng quá lâu, nói ngay từ đầu và nói dịu dàng thì sẽ không có những lúc nổ bùng như thế. Chị cũng vậy, hay để ấm ức trong lòng, rồi sau đó thì nổ như bắp rang.

    1. em thức khuya lắm chị ở. Nhiều đêm thức tới 3h sáng mới chọp mắt rồi 6:30h lúc O đi làm là em thức rồi.

      Em thì khi giận em ít nói vì em sợ nói ra lúc đó mình không suy nghĩ đúng đắng nên em cứ im. Mà em im thì ông O càng giận vì ổng nói là em tự ái nhiều quá. Nói chung là lâu lâu hai vợ chồng bùng nổ vậy cho có chuyện có drama đó mà chị.

  2. I understand your angst. I think as a mother you know what is best for your boys. I bet they will treasure these early years of their lives with you. I know this- it takes so little to make them giddily happy when they are young You want to store these moments, they make great bonding glue for any rough patches ahead. Quality time with your children is important. The difficult part is trying to please everybody. Are you feeling like a failure because you are not contributing financially?

    1. Yes chị, lately i have this mid-life mid-career crisis as i am thinking about the future once the boys are in school full time and I need to go back to work, which mean I will be in my early 40s. It’s being able to stay afloat with the competitive job market and being able to have financial security.

      But in regards to the argument with O last night. Sometimes he comes home and expects to have dinner on table right away, kitchen is spot clean, living room with no toys, and some laundry should be either washed/folded/being put away. This week is particular warm so I took the advantages to bring the kids out to the park everyday and not being bounded at home. It’s something gotta give and the to-to list at home just gotten longer. I feel frustrated because I don’t have time to myself at all, and I don’t even have friends or anyone else to talk to, hence the isolation that sometimes make me to further withdraw from everyone.

      Anyway, O is very understanding most days but there are days he got frustrated with work and brought it home to me. Thank you for the comfort, chị. I appreciate it.

  3. Mình cũng từng trải qua một thời gian tự dằn vặt như bạn vậy khi 2 con chưa đi học mẫu giáo. Những khi vợ chồng căng thẳng, mình im lặng và ôm thằng con. Chồng bức xúc quá thì buông lời vậy. Nhưng cũng thừa biết là ở bên này, khi không có ông bà họ hàng bên cạnh phụ một tay, thì cả hai đều phải compromise để lo cho con. Mình rất thích blog và những tâm sự của bạn. Take care.

    1. Cám ơn Stef!

      Những căng thẳng này thì không thường xảy ra. Chỉ lâu lâu một lần nhưng một lần thôi cũng làm cho mình thấy yếu đuối vì mình thuộc dạng đã sẳn yếu đuối rồi. Đúng là ở đây nuôi con thì chỉ thui thủi hai vợ chồng chứ không như ngày xưa mà cả nhà gia đình họ hàng phụ giúp.

      1. Giờ thì mình công việc ổn định, 2 anh em đi học, nhưng cũng có những ngày như roller coaster vậy. Such is life.

  4. Em thay co’ con o My~ thiet la`..brutal do chi. 2 vo chong em di lam, hom qua ti’nh ra spend time voi con co…2 tieng dong ho. You’re damned if you work, you’re damned if you don’t. 2 tuan nay em toan mua do an o cho VN roi ve nha nau com, nau canh thoi. Biet la` ko healthy nhung em chi muon choi voi con luc o nha` thoi. Toi nghiep em be lam, luc em o trong bep no cung dung o ngoa`i mang do choi toi bat em nhin.
    Hai vo chong lau lau cai nhau vay cung tot, tha vay con hon gia^.n lau chi hen. Thuc khuya cung lam tang kha nang bi depression do chi (me em bi cai na`y nen em biet). Chi rang ngu di.

    1. em, sometimes you need to do what’s best for you, and if buying already cook meals to save you time in the kitchen and being away from the baby. Don’t feel guilty about it, em. That’s life right now, and I’d rather do that than not providing love and comfort for them.

      Thanks em!

  5. baby, my house is mostly messy when Son comes home. He counts himself as lucky if he comes home and doesn’t end up having to pick up the toys on the floor. Sometimes I go down to put Tim down for the night and fell asleep, leaving the house in a terrible state until the next morning. I wish things would work out sot hat he can step through the door after working for 12 hrs straight with bathed kids and dinner cooked, but often times he comes home to a pretty pissed off me and cranky kids ready to throw tantrum because it’s the end of the day and everyone is spent. I try to improve whenever I remember to be considerate, but since I do about 95% of the housework and maybe 75% of the kids work, I’ll get to them when I get to them.

    I know there are a lot of moments where I could totally clean up or do stuffs that wives in the 50’s must have done, but for the sake of my soul and for the health of my children, I just daydream or pick my nose instead. Sometimes people don’t realize that going to work is stressful, but work noursishes your soul in its own way, unless it’s a job from hell that you can’t wait to quit. compared to staying at home, a little of you die each day as your children grow. I say this without any resentment or regret. I love my children and am thankful that we have agreed on the childcare situation for them, but the price one has to pay is the sense of isolation that no social network of moms or PTA or whetaever ladies circle you join can lift, daily identity crisis, sense of no accomplishment. I don’t know about you, but while I’m proud of the way my kids turn out or their accomplishments, I don’t puff up with pride and say “that’s my work!” I don’t take credit for how my loved ones turn out. Accomplishment to me means something else, they are more like prizes one win in a competition, or getting an A on a test, or making a chair… things that I do on my own, for my own pleasure… It doesn’t apply to everyone of course, but it apply to me definitely.

    People sometimes stay home with the kids for a few days and say this isn’t too bad, it’s totally doable, I don’t see what’s so hard about it, but that’s like having guests hanging out with you for a few days and say I love these people. Try having them in your house 3 months with a few of your worst moments thrown in.

    1. you hit it right on the nail. I think identity crisis is what I am experiencing right now, and lost sense of accomplishment. Women my age and equivalent academic credentials are out there making it happening in the workplace, and I am at home raising kids with no income and retirement plan. Who knows what the future might bring, maybe I will be turned down for jobs because I am overqualified or my experience is just outdated. And, god forbids, what if something is going to happen to O, what will do I? I also say it without resentment and/or regrets, but that’s the reality I have to accept right now. So many things running through my head, and I worried about raising the kids the right way, you know, right manners, respectful, academically accomplished. There is a pressure for SAHM that because they stay home, they should be on top of their children’s academic performance. I do what I can, and I try my best, but I still have headaches about PP adjusting to school environment and his preparation for Kindergarten next year.

      And on top of that, O sometimes thinks that I don’t do enough to raise the bar at home, or something as simply as keeping the house clutter-free when he gets home from work. That irks me so much that he takes me for granted sometimes.

  6. dude there’s a lady at May’s school who has 4 kids and she’s always looking so put together, it makes my head spins.

    1. OMG, need to ask her for the secret. I want to look good too but I always ended up rushing out of the house last minute without combing hair or even a well-coordiated outfit.

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