the one to be saved

Last night Mr. O asked me if I am still sad and mourning. My answer was an honest yes, but there are moments. I don’t hold it all day like I used to, but there were moments in the day that called for a trigger, and I dealt with it head on, such as taking a moment sitting in my car to catch up with my breathing and telling myself that it was ok to feel it.

I told my husband that it is not something that I should hide, ignore, or put up a cover…but I truly need to be honest with myself. My doctor told me that it is normal to go through the sliding scale, and eventually, I will wean off of it. If I am grieving, then damn it I am grieving…and I am not putting any shroud over my emotion.

I also want to take this opportunity to apologize to my readers, that lately my posts are quite depressing and morose. I promise to take away the dampening spirit once I am fully recovered with my emotional self. I will be back to my cheery self soon…I hope!

Anyway, last Saturday I spent a whole day taking two classes — First Aid Response and CPR (Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation). Oddly, for the past two or three nights I dreamed of rescuing and saving random people on the street with my skills, with a 100% success rate.

Then last night I dreamed of my father, and he was on his deathbed with his last few breaths begging to be saved, but I could not save him at all. I found myself standing there in panic, and not knowing what to do in the order of what I learned in class. I was stumbling with my coordination, and trying my best but to no avail; he could not be saved. I cried so much in regrets for failing, that upon waking up I still had dampened tears on my face. What a vivid dream!

I don’t know if nature spirit is sending me a sign, or perhaps it’s just my own wild imagination while asleep. Either way, I hope he is doing well and healthy over there, and does not need the be saved the way he did in my dream.

And YES, I am now First Aid and CPR certified, you guys! Anyone needs resuscitation?

While Peanut was in preschool I treated myself to a walk at the park on a warm-weather day of 40F. Fresh air and sunshine did wonder for my spirit.

One thought on “the one to be saved

  1. Tui cũng mong cho ông Ngoại của tụi nhỏ được bình an ở bất kỳ nơi nào ông đã cư ngụ nhen em iu!

    Thỉnh thoảng ra ngoài cho đầu óc thoải mái một chút cũng tốt heng.

    Biết là vết thương khó lành, nhưng rồi thời gian sẽ giúp em iu mà. Ôm thật chặt nha! ❤

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