Tendril, 8.30.16

She texted me, just want to have someone to chat.

A lot has happened over the past few months. A new baby, moving to a far-away rural town with the boyfriend, paying rent and bills, taking the first semester of college classes…and did I just say…a new baby of less than six-month old?

She is going through a very rough time, but this is only the beginning.

Being pregnant at 17 could have been a mistake, but having a healthy baby and keeping him is the right thing she has done. I am glad she made that decision. But as always, decisions come with subsequent consequences. Hence, all the struggles that she is going through right now.

Is there a time machine available? I really want to rescue her, and taking her back in time so she could perhaps undo some of the choices she made. Even though having a baby could be a blessing for her right now despite all the struggles, but I wish she could have waited a little bit longer, lived her life a little bit more, seen more people…and explored a few more paths. My 20s was the best for my own cultivation of self identity and confidence, I wish that she could have a similar experience. *wishful thinking*

But perhaps the life right now was already chosen for her. I just pray that she will veer away from the path that her mother had taken.

…and somewhere along our long chat log, she said, “I miss having you here!”

somehow, I feel guilty, as if I have abandoned my own daughter.

Some of the last photos I took for her, it was supposed to be her senior photo, which I think did not make it to the yearbook.

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