I realized that I have written many posts about my father in this blog. In my own grieving space, I have great memories as well as regrets, most of it were of my resentment for him, which I am now trying to cope.
Today, in that one small teachable moment for my own personal development, I promise to my father that I will not hold any grudges to anyone anymore, and will make amends to those I felt estranged due to miscommunication or conflicts.
At least, my father’s departure has me reflected, and taught me a lesson about how I should be living.
Then last night I dreamed of my father, and he was on his deathbed with his last few breaths begging to be saved, but I could not save him at all. I found myself standing there in panic, and not knowing what to do in the order of what I learned in class. I was stumbling with my coordination, and trying my best but to no avail; he could not be saved. I cried so much in regrets for failing, that upon waking up I still had dampened tears on my face. What a vivid dream!
I don’t know if nature spirit is sending me a sign, or perhaps it’s just my own wild imagination while asleep. Either way, I hope he is doing well and healthy over there, and does not need the be saved the way he did in my dream.
This blog is my official virtual place of grieving, not Facebook.