Day 16 — as light emerged

To make up lost hours of sleep the night before, I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night only to have a bad nightmare that woke me up at around 2 a.m. shivering in fear. In that dream I saw myself discovering a dead body that had been dried up and wrinkled like a log of old tree stump. Somehow I couldn’t escape and the dead body kept pulling me back towards it. Other details seemed lost once I was came to my own consciousness of time and space. The air condition was still on, pumping cold air out to the vents and along came the eerie rattling sound that put me in a state of fear.

I pulled the sheet and blanket over my head, it was suffocating, but that’s the only way I could think of to build myself some sort of a protective wall. Then I started mumbling a short Buddhist prayer, the one and only that I know, trying to chase that haunted images from the nightmare and gaining some strength as my heart was weak and beating fast. That prayer was on repeat for sometimes before a bit of calmness settled in. I almost called Mr. O up but realized that it was around 5 a.m. in D.C. and he might still be in bed. Still under the blanket, I then turned Youtube on and started watching Stephen Colbert show hoping the humors and rounds of laughter from the audience will break the darkness that seemed to gulp me.

And then I drifted back to sleep…until Mr. O called me on FaceTime at 4:30 a.m., thinking that we were on the same time zone as he walked to his conference. The light was not out yet, and darkness still hung on to time. I tried to drift back to sleep but it was not successful, and then I prayed again. Praying a repeated verse calmed me down, I collected myself and caught a little sleep before the alarm went off at 6:30 a.m. By then, as I woke up and looking out towards the windows, a soft white light had already fused through and in between the shutters.

I felt light again, as light emerged…

P.S. Today for the first time ever, I stood at an aisle at Whole foods checking out reading glasses. It’s something new in this business of getting older.

P.S. 2 — I am starting to work on purging stuff that we no longer use. It’s “fall” cleaning!

P.S. 3 — PP is going to take the MCAS by the end of 3rd grade. Somehow I don’t feel confident about his taking a timed and standardized exam. It’s his first one ever. Should I be too worried?